Why Walls Don't Talk
by Calypso Diangelos
Summary: Draco learns a lesson the hard way - but who taught him? Blame Claire Belbusti. This one is her fault. ALL her fault.


**Why Walls Don't Talk**

Summary: If walls could talk indeed!! Blame Claire Belbusti. This one is her fault. ALL her fault.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

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It was the perfect plan. The infallible plan. The plan that could not possibly go awry. Except of course, that it did. 

The walls _heard _all, they_ saw_ all. Anyone who could get them to let out their secrets would be able to control everything that went on at Hogwarts. They could know anything they wanted - have power over anyone they wanted. Anyone. 

All of that potential lay untapped. It wasn't fair really. So, at last, someone decided to tap it.

That someone was Draco Malfoy who, at that very moment, was regretting having attempted it. 

"Stupid upstarts! **I **was the sturdiest wall in this house until they reinforced the north wing. WHY did the north wing need to be reinforced anyway? All it has is bedrooms!" Draco had given the wall a voice - unfortunately, he also seemed to have given it a bit of a personality. On either side of him Crabbe and Goyle were staring at the sound emitting stone with open mouths. Draco thought for a moment that they were imitating fly catchers.

"Ugh, and those horrid tapestries! Have YOU ever tried being covered in tapestries? Moldy all summer, damp all winter. Just eating away at your mortar and stones... I swear whoever came up with the lousy habit of hanging those things invented it as a means of torture. WHY do you have to hang tapestries? WHY?" For a moment, there was blessed silence. "WHY!?" It finally occurred to Draco that the wall wanted an answer.

"Um... um... Slytherin prerogative I suppose." As the words slipped out. He took a moment to ponder the absurdity of speaking to a wall. From a corner of his eye, he saw Pansy and Blaise (who had ran into the room moments earlier) flipping through a spell book upon the sofa, hands over their ears.

"PREROGATIVE!" The wall shouted. Draco, along with Crabbe and Goyle were flung back by the force. "What about _my _prerogative?! Do you know how long it's been since someone bothered to wash me?!?! All that slime and on the outside and dry cracked stone on the inside... and the dust! Do you have any idea how GRIMY that stuff is?" This was definitely NOT going according to plan. 

Finally, Pansy and Blaise stopped on a page, they had apparently found a spell. Simultaneously, they shouted it. The wall groaned. When Draco uncovered his ears however, the wall was still ranting.

"And another thing, I DON'T like those stupid Latin words you use so much... what do you call them? Spells? Every time someone says one of them something bad happens to me. Hot, cold, strange animals and people climbing down, up, or through me - I don't like them .So Stop saying them!" Apparently the spell had not affected the wall - but it _had _done something.

"Draco?" Malfoy looked up, around, behind him. Where had that come from? It sounded like a sweet little girl. A first year perhaps. "Draco! What happened to my voice?!?!" Suddenly, he realized the voice was coming from Goyle. Next to him, Blaise was laughing.

"Who's laughing?" The wall suddenly asked, "it's that impudent wretch isn't it? The one who's always sneaking something or other into someone _else's_ room?" Immediately the laughter stopped. "Annoying little thing - you're a nasty little thorn in side. Or you'd be if I had one!" As the wall continued to air Blaise's dirty laundry, she resumed flipping pages. Draco leaned back against the cushions. Things were apparently getting interesting.

"Oh and which ever one of you always sneaks spiders in here. Do know how much I HATE spiders? Always building webs and they leaving dead bugs hanging around! It's almost worse than the dust. YOU! Is it you? The chubby one that's hiding?" Crabbe's eyes were wide. He shook his head in Draco's direction. "I don't care. Either way, ENOUGH of the spiders!" 

Pansy was wincing, the stupid wall kept on getting louder. Delicately, she covered her ears as Blaise continued searching for a spell. Momentarily, she glared daggers at Draco who was lounging around and _not _making himself helpful. 

"Don't you wince at me young lady." The wall seemed to be addressing Pansy now, "oh I know your tricks! I don't understand WHY you see the need to sleep in so many different bedrooms but the least you could do is not make such a mess every time you do! I declare you try to make things difficult! And that other night... down HERE?! What _were_ you thinking?" Draco's ears were suddenly wide open. Pansy slept around? Now this was new, interesting, and could be used.

"You're almost as bad as that smug blonde boy. Always sneaking around with that Gryffindor boy. Why I - ." Suddenly, Draco was not so calm. Dashing for the book in Pansy's lap he immediately began flipping pages. Loudly, he shouted the words necessary to silence the wall. When he was done, he looked up at the other Slytherin's surrounding him.

"Guys, that wall was OBVIOUSLY deranged I mean..." obviously, they didn't believe him. "Fine. Pansy, Blaise, you tell and all of Hogwarts will know your little secrets. Goyle, Crabbe.." A glare was enough to warn those two. Mouth's open the four departed. (Although in the case of Goyle it was, not so much in surprise as it was an attempt to fix his voice.) Left alone in the room, Draco began rummaging in the book again.

"Maybe Harry knows a memory wiping spell...." So muttering he too left.

In a corner of the room, the Bloody Baron laughed to himself. These weren't the first group of kids to try this trick on the wall. "Amateurs," he smirked.

Silently, the wall giggled back. 

Fini

Author's Note:: OOC? Don't blame me. I've never read, seen, or otherwise contributed to the Harry Potter Franchise. Any and all knowledge I have is from proofreading/plotreading for Claire who is WIDELY known for taking characters out of cannon. I love her - but she's a non canon writer. Anywho, implied slash and EVERYTHING is her fault. I don't mind reviews. It would interesting to know what ppl think of this fanfic since it's been written with NO knowledge of anything. 


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